I just love haiku.
They are educational.
They make me happy.
Please read my haiku.
They were really fun to write.
Poems make me laugh.
Today I watched, with my students, history being made as a new Pope was announced. I felt tears come to my eyes but I fought them back (because to let a tear fall in front of your 8th graders will kill the rest of the class period). It's not often we get to watch one of the last vestiges of history and tradition being carried out before our eyes, especially when you live in a country so disconnected from the past and from God. I will not forget the day Pope Benedict XVI was announced. May God bless him, the vicar of Christ on Earth.
Dear Hewlett-Packard Company,
I recently read an article in the news that you have named Mark Hurd as your new Chief Executive Officer and President. While I realize you may have received many applications for this position, you seem to have overlooked mine. I respectfully request that you hold off on moving forward with your decision to name Mr. Hurd as your CEO and President until you have at least read this application letter.
I would be an excellent choice to lead your great company for many reasons. In addition to outstanding communication and interpersonal skills, I have ample management experience and vision to lead your company into the future. I have held management positions in the food service industry as well as in the computer retail industry. Specifically I was a dining room supervisor at the now rejuvinated Ground Round Restaurants for three years while in college, and I worked as a customer service supervisor at MicroCenter where, by the way, I saw a lot of your products in our shop. Trust me, if I can be an effective leader and an example to others in those shit jobs, I would be perfect for your board room. I am currently a middle school teacher, and you can just imagine the kind of management experience I have gained in that job.
Another reason you should consider me over Mr. Hurd is that I have a great familiarity with your products as a user and as a salesperson. In fact I have owned two HP printers in my time, beginning with the legendary DeskJet 500. That thing is a tank! I still have it somewhere and it has never stopped working. Currently I use a DeskJet 832C and I love it. That little baby got me through graduate school. Finally, I have spent hours fixing my mother-in-law's HP Pavillion. Man, what a pain. But you should know it's mostly her fault, and I think the Pavillion series are strong products over all.
I also have ample sales experience involving HP products. When I was a Macintosh sales rep at MicroCenter, pretty much the only decent printers that would work with them were yours. Man, Apple must love you guys. In any case, I think that you will find I have excellent product knowledge and the ability to undertand the technical aspects of the CEO position. I won't even need help hooking up my computer in my office (and that's money saved).
Finally, I have reviewed the salary and benefits package that you have offered to Mr. Hurd, and I want you to know I would be a much more cost-effective choice. I am prepared to accept the job of CEO and President of your company for 10 percent of the value of Mr. Hurd's package, item for item. Just think, I haven't even accepted the job yet and I am already saving your company millions. Consider what other opportunities for growth and sensible economic decisions I can bring to HP.
In summary, I would not only be a fine choice to lead your great corporation, but I would be a much less expensive one. I propose you give me one year, and if you are not satisfied with my progress at that time, I'm sure Mr. Hurd will be happy to step in. I suspect, though, that you will be surprised at what I will do for your company, and at a fraction of the cost of Mr. Hurd.
Thank you for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
Elfboy
Yesterday I was flipping around the tele and decided to check out what was on the On Demand TV channel. There's a great free service they have called Mag Rack, which the cable company bills as a video magazine rack. In particular there is a set of programs called Guitar Xpress, which is a bunch of free guitar lessons for everyone from the beginner on up. They have shows on getting started, chords, and how to play songs, etc. It's pretty cool, and it beats paying for guitar lessons.
So I decided to check out one program in particular called Basic Soloing. It was great. As sort of an intermediate-beginner, I have become interested in how to add a little spice to my guitar playing, more than just practicing chords, and I have been unsure of how to proceed. I know improvisation and good guitar solos depend a great deal on scales, but which ones to learn? This program showed me everything I needed to know to get going. I was playing and improvising with some basic blues scales in minutes, and since the show was On Demand, I could pause and rewind as often as I needed. What a blast!
Now I know nothing can replace regular lessons with a good guitar teacher, but when your budget is tight this Guitar Xpress thing is great. I can honestly say that I can take or leave digital cable, cable in general, and even television all together. This is the first time since Sesame Street and maybe the occaisional Nova or National Geographic special that the television has given me real value for my dollar. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an Am Pentatonic blues scale to practice.
This afternoon I went to the local Meijer to pick up a few groceries and some postage stamps. As I was checking out, making small chit-chat with the lady running the register, a man came up in line directly after me. He placed eight packs of Rayovac D-cell batteries on the conveyer belt and waited for me to finish. He was tall, large, and wore a working man's clothes. I guess that he was an electrician or other skilled tradesman. As the checkout lady rang up my 12-pack of Sam Adams, she checked my driver's license. Now since the month is covered up by my wallet, I always make sure to tell the person checking it that my birthday is in July, which I did. After a moment she asks, "What number is that again? Six?"
"No," I say, "seven. July 23rd."
Then the man with a stock pile of batteries jokes and says, "That means he's seventeen." For a moment the lady pauses and looks concerned, then looks at me, smiles, and sort of chuckles.
Not be out done I laugh a good fake-supermarket-humor laugh and say, "Man, I wish," in my best 'we're all in this together' tone of voice. Then things got, well, odd.
The guy goes, "Man, you know there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could go back. If I could just have another chance." After he said this there was a pause, as if he was waiting for a responce. I looked at the checkout lady, but she was clearly not going to be any help.
Unsure of how to respond I lamely answer, "Yeah."
"I mean I made a lot of mistakes," he continued. "I should have gone to college instead of sitting around and getting high all the time."
Now what the heck was I supposed to say to that? How do you respond to that? My first instinct was to agree, and say, 'Man you've got that right. You really look like you should have laid off the drugs.' Upon further review though, that seemed rude, despite my good intentions of being agreeable. I said nothing instead, and blushed. Then the man says something like, "I have regrets everyday."
Already feeling like an asshole, I smile and nod understandingly and say, "Tell me about it." I walked away pushing my cart, feeling like a big douche bag. I'm not sure what to take away from this incident. I feel bad for that guy; someone so unhappy with life that he felt the need to confess this at the Meijer checkout lane. Perhaps he thought I was younger than I was and was trying to teach me a lesson, spurred on by the sight of my twelve pack. Nonetheless he did, in fact, look as though he had experimented with a few too many chemicals in his younger days and perhaps continues to this day. I'm not sure what the point is here, other than I might take care to avoid all conversation while purchasing groceries from now on. I mean I don't mind being polite, or even jovial, but that was just strange. All in another day's shopping at the local Meijer I guess.