My worst job interview ever took place shortly after I graduated from Ohio State with my Master’s degree in education. Too chicken to actually take a teaching job, I naturally thought the best thing to do would be to get a job in advertising. (I also have a bachelor’s degree in history, so advertising was the obvious choice). I scoured the internet and newspapers looking for a job as a freelance copy writer, or perhaps a sales guy.
It wasn’t long before I saw an ad on Monster for entry-level advertising executives with a company called something like Rising Star or Monarch Adverstising. No experience needed. The ad promised solid earning potential. This sounded like the ticket, and it beat unemployment. I sent in my resume and I soon got a phone call to come in for an intial interview. Now I probably should have been suspicious when I walked into the “office” and heard a boom box blaring (and I mean really loud) 80’s metal. So loud, in fact, I couldn’t think. (Brainwashing tactic number one). I checked in at the cheap looking front desk and I was told to wait. Dressed in my new interview suit, I waited for like thirty minutes before a young, tanned woman appeared and asked me to step into her office. It was nothing more than a panelled room with another cheap desk and some of those dumb motivational posters on the walls.
Inside the office I was glad to be free of the blaring music. The woman, who’s name was something obviously made-up, regailed me with tales of how the company was serving only the best Fortune 500 companies and how I could make a name for myself if I really showed a great attitude and a desire for success. She asked very few questions of me, but seemed to do a lot of talking. She said that there were only two openings for the position I was seeking and that she would call me if I was one of the few to make the first cut. She claimed things were very competitve, but that my resume looked good.
That night I went home, excited and hopeful, albeit slightly perplexed at the seeemingly low-rent digs of such a successful ad agency. The girl I interviewed with explained that they were in this temporary location while a new office was being made ready, and this seemed plausible. I waited, and at 8:30 that night I received a from the girl that I had made the cut. I was to report to the office by 7:30 the next morning to spend a day interviewing and learning the operation.
The next day I showed up, not knowing what to expect, and now a little on guard. My gut was telling me that this was all a bit strange. I should have listened to my gut too. When I walked into the office there was that music blaring again, but this time there were twenty or so college aged kids hollering and chanting the words “We want JUICE! We want JUICE!” (Brainwashing tactic number two). When they were done, the girl I had interviewed with handed out assignments, but she was careful not let me actually hear what these assignments were. Then I was introduced, along with another boy, as the day’s interviewees. Some girl, a cute blonde, got right up in my face and asked if I felt JUICEY. “Uh, yeah, I guess so,” I replied. She looked like she was on speed. Then I was introduced to Jason, who was to be my partner for the day. Before I really knew what was going on, I was in Jason’s car, on the way to the day’s promotional spot. I should have gotten out of the car then.
Jason explained to me that the job for the day would be to set up a promotion for credit cards for a major bank. He said the whole job was “pretty JUICEY.” What’s JUICEY mean? It was some kind of acronym for sales success. He also explained, after I asked five times, that the job would be at Ohio University. I live in Columbus, so that’s about an hour and a half away. Of course, we were thirty miles out of town before he gave me this information, and while I considered asking to be let out, the thought of getting a ride back into town from the side of the freeway didn’t sound to good. I was along for the ride whether I liked it or not. But it got worse.
When we finally arrived on the Ohio University campus, the “promotion” we were going to set up basically involved walking around the campus in the hot sun trying to get college kids to sign up for credit cards in exchange for a free plastic coffee mug. That was to be my new career in advertising. Needless to say I was less than excited by this. This was most definitely not JUICEY. Not to mention I was totally unprepared for the day, dressed in a shirt and tie, I had no cash, and nothing to drink. After about five hours of this I made Jason buy me lunch at Wendy’s indicating that I thought I might collapse from hunger and dehydration. (Brainwashing tactic number three).
Finally, after we arrived back at the office in Columbus at 7:00 that night, Jason told me after a quick pow-wow with the head girl with the made up name that they didn’t think they could offer me a job. “You’re just not very JUICEY,” he told me. I almost punched him in the face but I thought better of it. I was sunburned, dehydrated, I had been basically kidnapped, and they had gotten what amounts to a free day of work out of me. That was my day in the great field of advertising. And that was, and hopefully will always be, my worst job interview ever.